Wednesday, November 30, 2011

You Get What You Give (TOMS Books For Bloggers)

Maybe it's because I'm pushing thirty or because I'm the mother of two children who are becoming increasingly aware of the world around them, but I began to feel like I wasn't doing enough of anything worthwhile with my time. It's what drew to into finding my purpose and in turn what drew me to Blake Mycoskie's book, Start Something That Matters.

By now we have all seen those cute slide-on shoes with TOMS stitched on the back. We know they're simple in design, relatively inexpensive, and somehow always manage to be in style, particularly on college campuses worldwide. Unfortunately, if you're anything like me, that might be just about all that you know. But not for long. 


The first thing Start Something That Matters lets you in on is that Toms is not your typical company and wild-haired, board-short-wearing Mycoskie is far from a typical CEO. An acronym for Shoes for Tomorrow (which above all finally solved the mystery as to why a guy named Blake would have a company called Toms), Toms ensures that with every pair of shoes purchased a child in need receives a pair of shoes too. It is instant charity for a generation of people who want to give but usually don’t have the first idea how to go about it. The simplicity of the concept is incredible; one for you, one for me. When you really stop to think about it, it’s amazing that no one thought of it before. What might be more amazing is that Blake Mycoskie doesn’t want to hide his secret to success, but rather he wants to share it in hopes that everyone will be inspired enough to start something of their own that matters. Which brings us to me.

Last summer I decided to start a book club. I realize that this isn’t the world’s most original idea and that on paper a book club might sound boring and old fashioned, but I like to read and frankly I needed some kind of social life in the worst way. To be honest, I tend to join things rather than start them, so even beginning something felt like a huge obstacle. I set up the meetings to be once a month and the first meeting was held in July. Two meetings later and we were up to twenty people. Because of our shared love for books and wine we decided to call ourselves Reading Between The Wines. We are a diverse group of women from all different walks of life, ethnicities, religions and political parties who get along amazingly. That might not sound like that big of a deal, but the thing is, typically women aren’t very kind to each other. The sad reality is that movies like “Mean Girls” are more fact than fiction and all you have to do is turn on any reality TV show to see the image of women as catty backstabbers, who see each other as competition rather than friends. Women have fought long and hard for so many years for equalization and to be seen as being just as intelligent as men, but turn on the TV and it’s hard to find anything other than Kardashians or The Real Housewives of Wherever displaying not much more than woman-on-woman hate. And yet, once a month I sit in a room full of women who could have easily let their differences get between them but instead chose to focus on what they have in common, in our case a love of great books and great wine. It gives me hope that together we can change the grotesquely inaccurate stereotype of women and bring the importance of intelligence and friendship to the forefront.  

 I don’t have a product to sell or give away (at least not right now), it’s attitudes and prejudices that I want to change. We have big plans for the coming year, including a book drive in January with all books to be donated to the library at the Women’s correctional facility, because women should be kind to each other no matter what their situation in life is. In addition to our New Mexico branch, we have expanded to Georgia, Ohio, Iowa, and Oregon with hopes of more branches in the future. It’s still pretty fresh, but I already owe much of my inspiration (as well as figuring out the practicalities of a non-profit) to Start Something That Matters.

Start Something That Matters is enlightening and informative, and my only complaint is that it has a tendency to drag at times.  Mycoskie recounts the start-ups that inspired him and cites quotes and passages in a way that can often read a lot like a college term paper. If you’re expecting a biography of a man, Mycoskie is quick to let you know that this is the story behind the company, not the story behind the story. In fact, very little of his personal life is revealed at all, aside from an occasional short, well-placed anecdote.

Whether you want to start a for-profit business like Toms or change the world in whatever way you choose, Start Something That Matters is worth a read. Mycoskie offers up so much information, advice, and even free sites to get you started that literally all that’s missing from the book is his hand reaching out to physically shove you in the right direction. This isn’t taking business advice from Donald Trump or any of the hundreds of questionable CEOs of questionable companies, this is taking advice from someone who is truly practicing what they preach (so much so that he recently trimmed down the unnecessary excess in his own life and now lives in a two hundred square foot sailboat. Can you picture Donald Trump living on a tiny boat? Yeah, me neither). Start Something That Matters is equal parts refreshing and inspiring and will undoubtedly leave all aspiring entrepreneurs shaking in their Toms. 

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thank You

I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I get so caught up in all of the day-to-day madness that I turn into a giant ball of stress and forget that I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. Since it's Thanksgiving, the national day of stuffing your face and remembering what you're grateful for, I thought I'd share a bit of what I'm grateful for with all of you.

First and foremost, I'm grateful that I married such a great guy who is willing to put up with me, because ten out of ten ex-boyfriends will all agree that I'm a giant pain in the butt. Someone loving you for exactly who you are with no exceptions is something no one should ever take for granted, even though I know I sometimes do. I like to think that if Josh and I were a celebrity couple, we'd be Marge and Homer Simpson. It's not always perfect. We get annoyed with each other sometimes, but at the end of the day (whether that day was good or bad) we're still a team. And, like Homer, Josh can always get out of trouble by making me laugh. He's the guy I've loved for a decade plus one, and it doesn't get much better than that, kids.


I don't know if there will ever be words to properly describe how incredibly thankful I am for Ben and Layla. They are the reason why I work hard, strive for more, and try to be the best possible version of myself. They've taught me a lot so far, the most important being how to love completely unconditionally. It will be a long time before I can sleep in, travel lightly, be spontaneous, go to the movies to see something other than a cartoon, or sit on the couch without being climbed on, and I am one hundred percent okay with that. I'm thankful that I'm lucky enough to spend every day with them, watching them grow in every way possible. My only complaint is that they are both growing up way too fast.



I'm thankful this year to have such an amazing family and family-in-law. I lost my dad this year, but I gained a little brother and a sweet little nephew. I had a lot of ups and downs this year but I always felt like I had my families to help me through. Thank you for all of the support. I love you guys!



Last, but certainly not least, I'm thankful for all of the great friends I've made and all of the old friends I've reconnected with this year. I went from being isolated on Mom Island to having a really amazing group of friends. I've spent a lot of my life feeling like I was more of a guy's girl than a girl's girl and I really feel like I'm appreciating women's friendship for the first time in my life. I'm also thankful for the book club (and all of its wonderful potential) for providing me with a cause to strive for and further direction in my life. I love the unwavering enthusiasm of all of the members and how quick they are to not only support the cause, but to make sure we all have more fun than any book club before. You rock, ladies!!
Husband, kids, family, friends...I may not have the most creative list of things to be thankful for, but I'm incredibly thankful nonetheless. This has been a year of love, friendship, and opportunity, and in many ways it's also been a year of struggle and loss. But good or bad, I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Stairway To Heaven

Last night I had one of the craziest, scariest, most realistic dreams I have ever had.

In the dream, I was in the middle of a big open field that was completely empty except for a single flight of stairs going up. Naturally, a mysterious flight of stairs in the middle of nowhere is too tempting for someone as nosy as me to resist, so I started climbing up. I climbed and climbed until the railings disappeared and I was just surrounded by clouds. I looked further up and saw that the stairs led to a giant slide even higher up in the sky.  Like the stairs, it had no railing and was surrounded by nothing but clouds, nothing to protect you from falling right off. It was at that moment that I realized I wasn't the only one there. I was surrounded by people and they were all falling off, either on the stairs or the slide. People fell right past me and I could actually hear the woosh sound they made as they passed by my ears and a sickening thud as they hit the ground. Terrified,  I decided I wasn't curious about the stairs anymore and I wanted to turn around and climb back down. But I couldn't. As I had climbed up each stair it disappeared, leaving me with a steep drop-off and absolutely no way to back down. As it continued to rain people around me, I sat down the step I was on, paralyzed with fear. Do I give up? Do I risk climbing all the way up only to fall off?

Luckily, my alarm woke me up before I had to make the decision, my jaw aching and my mouth covered in gritty tooth fragments, a sure sign I'd been grinding my teeth in my sleep yet again. My stomach was still in knots and my mind was still just as full of "what ifs" as it had been when I went to bed. The question in my head remained; How can I possibly pull this off? 

But, as usual, I'm getting ahead of myself, so let's back up a bit.

A few weeks ago I was on Facebook and I noticed that TOMS shoes was holding a contest called Books For Bloggers. Their Chief Shoe Giver (AKA founder) Blake Mycoskie recently wrote a book called "Start Something That Matters" and they wanted someone to review it, someone who not only blogged, but was also trying to start something of their own (be it a business, organization, non-profit or whatever). To enter, I had to write about what it was I was trying to create as well as why my blog would be a good place to post the review. So not only did I have to articulate what it was I was trying to accomplish (when I'm still not entirely sure what it is) but I also had to talk myself up. A lot. And for someone who has a blog dedicated to basically writing about their life, I really, really suck at talking about myself.


Not only that, but I'm really picky about what I have to say and how I choose to say it. I edit and revise to the point of driving myself insane. In fact, the very words you are reading right now have been read over and over until I was practically cross-eyed. I really can't say why, but the day I decided to enter the TOMS contest, I just sat down and wrote. And wrote and wrote. I didn't create a word document to save and revise (and obsess over). For once in my life I just wrote without consciously thinking about what I was writing, like my fingers on the keyboard were a separate entity from the rest of my body. I was inspired, sure, but I somehow managed to get out of my own head for a change, and if you've known me for longer than five minutes, you know what an amazing thing that is.

But here's the thing. Everyone and their mother is on Facebook holding different contests every day, and they all manage to fly under my radar. This one felt like a hand reached out of my computer and slapped me across the face. Not to sound like a total crazy person, but it felt like it was created to motivate me.

As you might recall, in my last blog, I wrote about our book club and how, while it's a really fun, social thing to do, I want to turn it into something bigger and more meaningful and I've spent the last few weeks obsessing over how to do that. The contest caught my attention because I love the story behind TOMS shoes, love that it was created by a young college dropout who yes, wanted to start a successful business, but also genuinely wanted to help out others. At the core of my motivation to enter was pure curiosity at how this guy managed to pull it all off. In other words, I probably would have bought the book anyway, but the contest gave one away for free, and free is always good. Plus, if I won, it might be good publicity for both my cause and blog. I figured I had nothing to lose except actually losing the contest and since I didn't even tell anyone I entered, no one would know I lost.


And then, amazingly, I won. 


My first reaction was to say "I never win anything!" which is true, technically, but the truth is, I never win anything because I never enter anything. That's right, you heard it here first. I'm a big fat chicken.


Which brings us back to the dream. How lame am I that I freeze up with fear in my own dream? I mean come on, we can do anything in our dreams. We can fly in our dreams if we wanted to. So why didn't I? Generally, I try not to read too much into dreams, but this one feels different. I've already mentioned that I tend to let fear get the best of me (see above re: big fat chicken) and I don't want to (and can't) let it get the best of me now. 

Winning this contest is a huge eye-opener for me. I want to be a writer and this project has great potential for exposure to my blog, but even more than that it's motivated me keep trying to find my greater purpose in life, which I've blogged about a lot this past year. I feel like I have great ideas, I just need the courage to share them. More than that, I need the courage to realize that not everything I do has to be perfect and not everyone will like whatever it is I hope to accomplish. Not being liked is inevitable, but it's so much easier in theory than when someone isn't liking something you believe in. Failure is always an option, lurking in the dark corners of my brain with its buddy Fear, and the two of them constantly team up to try to tell me that I can't do this. I don't have time. I don't have resources. I have no clue what I'm doing. There are a million other things I should be focusing on. It doesn't help that all of these things are true.


I have no idea to overcome fear. Like grinding my teeth at night, it's something that I really don't want to be doing, but have no clue about how to stop. I guess for now I can only hope that, unlike my dream, I don't freeze up in real life. All I know right now is that I have to keep climbing the stairs even when, especially when, I feel like I'm about to fall off.