An Open Letter To 20-Year-Old Me

 Dear (Ridiculously Young) 20-year-old (Disgustingly Energetic) Me:

I hope life and your wrinkle-less face are treating you well. For me, 30 is just around the corner and with that ceremonious event (read: excuse to freak out) in mind, I have been thinking a lot about what I would say to a younger, slightly more unfettered me if I had the ability to go back in time and retroactively impart my wisdom on you. In other words, I'm going to be the graying, wistful, "Been there, done that" Sinead O'Connor to your bleached, questionably behaving, "I do what I want!" Miley Cyrus, minus the making out with sledgehammers (don't worry if that reference seemed like nothing but gibberish to you). Simply put, I'm going to tell you a few things that I wish I had known ten years ago. Why, you ask? Mostly to prove to someone (even myself) that despite the constant nagging worry that I'm not successfully turning into an adult yet (whatever that may be), I have actually learned a thing or two in the last decade. Or maybe I'm just having my quarter-life crisis a few months ahead of schedule (you know how much we like to be unfashionably early). Either way, I've been thinking a lot about the things I wish I had known when I was well, you, just a decade younger with infinitely fewer stretch marks. And this is what I came up with:

• First and foremost, drop whatever you are doing right now and go to sleep. I don't care if it's 2 PM and you're not tired, GO TO SLEEP. In three years, you will have a child, in five years you will have two and sleep will be some lovely, elusive thing that you only vaguely remember. So go take a nap. Right now! You can finish this letter when you wake up. Go!
  
  
• Enjoy being that annoying person who can eat cupcakes for breakfast, never exercise and not gain an ounce. You only have a couple of years before age, metabolism, and having kids will change all of that, which will be super annoying. Enjoy it while you can.
• Travel right now, as much as you can before taking a simple day trip involves car seats, toys, books, play dough, snacks, first aid kits, sunscreen, Bubble Guppies DVDs, and bribe lollipops, when even the best moments will be nothing short of completely exhausting.I'm not saying you shouldn't also travel with kids (you totally should), but consider yourself warned. Travel now while the words "traveling light" are still in your vocabulary.
• Enjoy the feeling of waking up in the morning without any part of your body hurting. Relish in it and then go back to sleep immediately (see above re: you will never sleep again).
  
• Don't be afraid to go for something only to fall on your face. You will learn more from failure then you will ever learn from success. Be brave.
• 'Normal' is nothing but a highly overrated lie we tell ourselves, certainly not something you should strive for. The best people you will ever meet are the ones who couldn't be further from 'normal'. The only thing more overrated than normalcy is perfection.
  
  
• Think more, talk less.
• Take a moment to appreciate the strong women and beautiful concept of natural birth and then GET AN EPIDURAL. Trust me on this one. No one is going to show up to give you a metal for having a ten pound the hard way (although they totally should) and no one should feel like they are dying on what should be a joyful day.
• You're smarter than you think you are (Well, except for the whole epidural thing).
  
• Forgive people, even the people who don't deserve to be forgiven. Especially the people who don't deserve it. Everyone deserves a second chance. EVERYONE.
• You don't have to pretend to like what everyone else likes.
•  Be yourself. In a few years it will be cool to be awkward and nerdy and Zooey Deschanel will get all of the credit for it (but you'll still kinda love her anyway).
  
• Stay in school. It might feel hard now, but it's NOTHING compared to how hard it will be to go back when you're almost 30 with two kids. 
• Stop saying that you are a "multi-tasker". You know not the meaning of the word, my friend.
• There's no shame in watching a day-long marathon of The Gilmore Girls. No shame!
  
• Buy stock in Apple so that 30-year-old you can be a millionaire. Please? Also, have someone explain to you exactly what stock is and how it works, because 30-year-old you still doesn't really know.
• The best things in life are the things you never see coming. 
  
• Seriously. Sleep more.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. And it's good to remember that you're human every once in awhile.  
  
• Your boobs won't get any bigger, not even after two kids. I'm sorry about that, I really am.  
• Above all else, you only have one life and it will go by faster than you can ever possibly comprehend. The great Anthony Kiedis once brilliantly said "This life is more than just a read-through" and he is exactly right. You will regret a few things here and there, but you will never regret making the most of the life you have been given. Enjoy the ride. 
  

Love,
(Almost) 30-year-old (Super Tired) You

20 Things My Daughter Should Know: Part 2

I had so much fun with part one of Twenty Things My Daughter Should Know, that I decided to come back with twenty more. And seeing as I spent ten minutes this morning watching Ben run at the sliding glass door with a shoe box on his head, bounce off, laugh and do it all over again, it's clear that I'm no closer to understanding men and that his future advice blogs will still have to wait. But I digress.

So Layla, as soon as you can read this, here is Part 2 of some of the the things in life that I think you should know. Remember to please hold all questions until you are at least sixteen. Trust me, it will take me that long to figure out how to explain half of these things to you.

1. You can be anything you want to be. As long as that "thing" isn't a Kardashian.

2. If you let other people determine your self-worth, they will always lowball you. Be your own person, determine your own value and try (as much as you can) to ignore everyone else.

3. I said it before, but it bears repeating. Seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY never wax your own eyebrows, unless you enjoy looking like a bald alien for the better part of a year.

4. Some choices in life are impossible, like picking a favorite child or deciding which one of the guys from Vampire Weekend is the cutest. Life isn't black and white and it's okay to not have all of the answers.

5. They say being beautiful opens doors, but being fearless kicks the doors down and sets the room on fire. I haven't quite figured out fearless yet, but you can break the cycle of letting fear hold you back.

6. A wise man once said, "Turns out not where, but who you're with that really matters". If you like the people who surround you, you will always be somewhere great. And yes, Mommy considers Dave Matthews a wise man.

7. Having a little faith never hurt anyone.

8. There's no such thing as too much color, too many crayons, too much fun, or too much glitter.

9. I've learned so much more from things being hard than I have from things being easy. Struggle makes you grow up and get your act together. Without it, we'd all still be living in our parent's basements.

10. Assumption is the lowest form of communication.

11. Sometimes, nothing beats a good cry. Get mad, be upset, let it all out...and then move on.

12. Don't forget to smile.

13. Girlfriends are nice, but in my opinion, guys make the best friends. They're more laid back, they don't care about what you're wearing, and they have a tendency to be more adventurous (for the most part). But beware of the completely unfair, ridiculously untrue reputation that tends to follow a girl with mostly guy friends...other girls who aren't cool enough to understand will spread lies. Which actually brings my point full circle: A guy friend wouldn't do that.

14. Like most things in life, Justin Beiber is just a phase. It too shall pass.

15. If you watch carefully, you'll find that The Sound of Music has the answers to all of life's major problems: Marriage, children, music, problematic nuns, baronesses, love, DIY curtain clothes, yodeling, Nazis...it has a solution for everything.

16. Making someone else feel bad about themselves in order to make you feel better about yourself doesn't work. It just makes you a jerk.

17. Money is nothing but paper. It shouldn't be what drives you in life.

18. Dance like no one's watching. But close the blinds, because someone's probably watching.

19. Big words mean nothing if they're not used in the right context. They just make you sound obnoxious and like you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

20. No matter what you do or who you turn out to be, I will always love you. I can't make you many guarantees in life, but I can guarantee that with absolute certainty.

I love you. Now please help me scrape your brother off of the sliding glass door.