Day 10: What The F@%k Is A Bubble Guppy?!

For a long time, we didn't have cable. And we really didn't want it because we truly believed that the basics were enough for us. We figured that cable TV was probably just full of more of the reality shows that we were so fond of making fun of and that, frankly, we didn't need that garbage in our lives. We had the news. We had  PBS. And most importantly, we had principals.

Ah, principals. You'd be amazed how fast they go away when you find yourself addicted to Mad Men and Breaking Bad but realize that your only option on a Sunday night is a dusty rerun of Antiques Roadshow. And then, if that wasn't reason enough, we found out that for the amount of money we paid to not have cable was actually more than it would cost to add an extra  300 channels to our lives. So principals be damned, we caved. Consumerism:1, Team Prentice: 0.

Anyway, due to an increase in options, my kids have ditched their usual morning tradition of Sesame Street in favor of something new. And different. And let's face it, downright creepy.

I don't know how many of you out there are parents and/or children's cartoon connoisseurs but I need help understanding exactly what it is that I'm looking at here.....

It is a show called Bubble Guppies. From what I can gather, it's about a gang of mutant mermaid pop stars who are led by a giant shape-shifting Goldfish and accompanied by a mermaid dog. If it sounds like a really cool, interesting show, then I must not have described it right. Did I mention that there is singing? So. Much. Singing. My kids love it but personally, if I'm ever captured and tortured for any reason, playing this show over and over would be a much more effective way of getting me to talk than waterboarding. It's awful. 

My first inclination after seeing this show for the first time was to immediately picture writers sitting around a table in a hot, windowless room dropping acid because honestly, who thinks of this stuff? What's funny is that I actually think a lot of thought goes into this show (what it lacks in plot or awesome it makes up with in educational value. Allegedly). There are probably teams of people researching the best way to incorporate educational value into a fun, colorful cartoon that kids will love and their parents will despise. Most likely with no drugs in sight.

But what can I say? It's relatively educational and basically the only thing the kids want to watch on TV and most of all, we did kind of bring this on ourselves. It's amazing the things you'll put up with just to have a little Don Draper in your life.

The Wintern

I have really exciting news. But first, a confession.

There's no way to sugar-coat the fact that the life of a writer can be a difficult one. I like to make jokes about being rejected by every one under the sun, shamelessly self-promoting myself ad nauseum and how if my mom didn't read my blog, then no one would, but we all just know it's "Tears of a Clown" syndrome. I can laugh it off all I want, but it's only to save my dwindling sanity and faulty self-esteem. The truth is that the last few months I've had more "What am I doing and why am I doing it?" conversations with myself than ever before. The ugly shadow of doubt had become a regular presence in the corners of my mind. I began to question my motives, the way I was using my time, and whether I was doing nothing more than banging on a locked door. I couldn't shake the feeling that it was becoming harder and harder to catch a break.

Until I finally caught one.

Catching a break all kicked off as I was trolling Craig's List for houses a few weeks ago and wound up noticing a link for writing jobs at the very end of a long list of employment opportunities. I was intrigued and, despite the fact that I had never considered Craig's list for much of anything before, I found myself clicking on the link to see what I could see. There were only four jobs posted and only one that looked remotely appealing; An internship.

But here's the thing: I was immediately intimidated by the notion of an internship. Not because I'm such an awesome writer that I consider myself above an internship, but because I felt like I didn't fit the bill. I don't know about you guys, but when I think of the word "intern" I automatically think of a super smart and crazy energetic twenty-year-old, a la Rory Gilmore, who get internships at their boyfriend's father's newspaper, only to be told they suck as a writer, leading to an affluent, attractive girl's G-rated version of a nervous breakdown. That's an intern. Not a twenty-nine year old mother of two who drinks one hundred pots of coffee a day (mostly in vain) just to keep her eye lids at half-mast and makes obscure Gilmore Girl references.

Any other day I would have left it at that and gone about my business of using any means possible to distract myself from doing homework. Instead, I pushed my intern insecurities and fear of unavoidable murder as a result of answering a Craig's List ad (I watch Dateline, okay? I know what's up!) and applied. And amazingly, despite my utter lack of all things Rory Gilmore, I got it (and I didn't get shanked or turn into a walking Breaking Bad character, which is always a bonus).

I could stop this story right here and it would still be one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me. But in a rare twist of life imitating a Kate Hudson movie, it went uphill from here.

A quick question: What do you think of when you hear the word "intern"? Rory Gilmore references aside, I mostly think of a Hollywood stereotype version of someone running around making coffee and copies, getting very little experience in the actual field they're interning for and even less respect from everyone around them. In other words, in my mind the word "intern" is synonymous with the the phrase "Overworked, unpaid biotch" and I'm guessing my perception isn't too far off from everyone else's.

Fortunately, I'm happy to report that this particular internship is nothing like that.

The internship is with a brand-spankin' new online magazine called The ABQ Sun Post which, in a time where murders and rapes and various other scary events dominate your average news sources, will provide the world with positive news stories. That's right! Positive news! Remember that? Some very cruel (and very wrong) people may be quick to call it "fluff" news, but I beg to differ. Think of it this way: Your local news does a (terrifying) story about a bank robbery in which multiple people were shot an injured. During the shooting, a woman was using herself as a human shield to protect the children in the bank. We wouldn't write a story about the shooter (like most people would) we would write a story about the person who did the right thing at the right time. It isn't the obvious story, but it's the better story, the story that you have to dig a little deeper to find. It isn't as glamorous (aka bloody) as the other story, but it's much more meaningful. That's what we'll write about.

Hypothetical situations aside, this is what my internship boils down to: Two stories a week written and researched by yours truly with my name in the byline (AWESOME), the ability to work mostly from home (Super awesome), and a press pass (awesome, as long as I remember that it will probably NOT get me backstage at a Vampire Weekend concert in Denver, and will probably result in taking some pepper spray to the face. Which in case you're wondering, would totally be worth it). I will be writing about exceptional schools, programs and teachers around the city, as well as awesome kids who are making a difference in their community. It's going to rock. It's been a couple of weeks since I got this amazing opportunity and it still feels like a huge win for me.

Speaking of scoring a win, you may be wondering where the term "wintern" comes from and the short answer is that, regretfully, I don't exactly know. The long answer is that it was originally coined by a ridiculously cool guy whose band may or may not be responsible for pepper-spraying my face in the near future. The problem is, I forget the exact context he used the word (he says a lot of clever things, sometimes it's hard to keep up. But I try not to hold his plethora of clever against him). So in this case, "wintern" either means "winter intern" or "winning an internship" but either way, I feel like it applies to me. So I'm giving credit where credit is due, because the only thing worse that being pepper-sprayed in the eyeballs would be plagiarizing someone I admire. Unless of course one of the meanings is an Abbey Prentice original in which case, I should be writing your songs, buddy! Totally kidding, only one of us could find words to rhyme with horchata and it sure as hell wasn't me, so I think we're both right where we should be.

Anyway.

The ABQ Sun Post launches March 18th and I sincerely hope everyone will support it. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about anything, which includes finding out that Walter White's house on Breaking Bad is directly across the street from my friend's house. This is huge. And I feel, deep down in my bones, that this is going to be a game-changer, the event that sets all other events in motion.

Finally. 

Never Buy A Feather Boa And Eleven Other Lessons From 2012

The Twelve Lessons I learned in 2012:

1) Never buy a feather boa. I can't explain why or how, but they constantly leave a trail of feathers in their wake and never get any smaller or stringier. Every parent longingly waits for the day when they can point to a bald boa and tell their child that the boa (finally, FINALLY) has to be thrown away. The only problem is that no matter how many hours you spend vacuuming up hot pink feathers, that day never comes. So never buy a feather boa, no matter how much better you feel about doing calculus homework when you wear it. I mean, your kid! Never buy one for your kid!

2) Never attempt to build a gingerbread house without a gingerbread house kit unless you have a degree (preferably masters or higher) in either architecture, construction, civil engineering, or design. If you try to construct a homemade gingerbread house without the proper credentials, you WILL fail. Or worse, you will sit at the table with a half-constructed house debating whether gum drops or Skittles make better re-enforcers for your tootsie roll mailbox, refusing to fail. Either way, your kid will lose interest long before you do and you will hate all those know-it-alls on Pinterest with their perfect gingerbread houses complete with blue m&m moats containing leaping (how?!) Swedish Fish. Show offs.

3) Sometimes you are the parent that is all patience, goodness, and light. And sometimes you are the parent who has to put a dollar in the swear jar more frequently than you'd like to admit. I don't want to say which one I am, but I will say that there are a hell of a lot of dollars in that damn jar.

4) If you are not a do-it-yourself person then you really shouldn't try to do it yourself. Pinterest kept me captivated for about the first half of the year and I was constantly pinning crazy things that I swore I would try. However, my first (and only) Pinterest attempt of making a homemade face mask left me with a face so bright orange that the cast of Jersey Shore was jealous. Luckily, I aim to surround myself with people who are much, much smarter than me just in case I need to be bailed out of ridiculous situations and one of my best friends was able to come to the rescue. After she stopped laughing at me.

5) Read the article, not the comments. Every single time, I get sucked into some little virtual argument over something so completely out there that I wind up depressed and pessimistic, questioning the mental state of the world. I don't recommend it.

6) I also don't recommend taking Nyquil before watching four back-to-back episodes of Breaking Bad. I can pretty much guarantee that you will have the most terrifying dreams of your life, so consider yourselves warned.

7) Someday you will be somewhere without the kids and start humming to yourself. "What is the lovely song that's stuck in my head?" you will wonder until it dawns on you that it's the theme song from Yo Gabba Gabba. I can't lie; it's a pretty low moment.

8) Sometime the world is dark, scary, and beyond comprehension. Sometimes I just want to barricade myself inside my house, grow all of my own food, sew all of my own clothes, make my own power generator, make beer in the bathtub...you know, really let all of my inner crazy come out. But throwing the covers over my head in the morning while yelling "Leave me alone! I have agoraphobia like Paula Deen!" is not only ridiculously false, but also helps no one. No matter how violent and unmanageable the world seems, the show must go on.

9) It's always a good idea to aspire to write a post-apocalyptic Pauly Shore movie with your funniest friend. Even if it never happens, the brain-storming sessions alone are good for a laugh.

10) I always figured I would become looser and more laid-back the older I got, but I've found the complete opposite happening. Every day I'm just a little more neurotic and crazy. It's like I'm slowly morphing into Woody Allen with a lot more hair and a lot less talent and success.

11) As an aspiring writer living in a world where no one really likes to read, I've had my fair share of rejection. Rejection sucks for the obvious reasons, but also sucks because it is so impersonal. There's no "We know you put hard work and your entire soul into writing this, but we just don't need it right now". There's not even a "It's not you, it's us" formality. It's just no. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that a "no" will eventually turn into a "yes".

12) A sense of humor will get you through anything. One of the best parts of my marriage is that we can always make each other laugh, no matter how hard life can feel. The whole "laughter is the best medicine" thing sounds like a cheesy cliche, but it's true. And I'm lucky to be married to someone I can wet-willy photo-bomb while he tries to balance a spoon on his nose. It doesn't get much better than that.


 Happy New Year, Everyone!