Goverment, If You Don't Stop That, I Will Turn This Car Around RIGHT NOW.

Warning: I'm mad at the government.

This isn't a Democrat versus Republican thing, this is an everyone thing. The people who allegedly run (or in the future, wish to run) our country are acting more like children than my actual children. Everyone is pointing fingers and screaming "I didn't do it!". This debt ceiling fiasco has me feeling like I'm about to go through the ceiling. This person has this plan, but that's not what the other guys want, so this person has another plan, but that's not good enough for the other, other guys. So here we are, trillions of dollars in debt and the most powerful country in the world can't seem to pull its collective head out of its collective behind. Frankly, it's embarrassing and it makes me want to punch Obama in the face while simultaneously kicking John Boehner in the crotch. And that says a lot because I actually like Obama (Boehner is a different story, less for his political slant and more for the fact that I'm not comfortable being "led" by someone who can burst into tears at the drop of a hat). It's unsettling.

So government, here's my  completely unsolicited and inexperienced advice:Stop talking about bipartisanship in theory and show us a little in execution. Practice what you preach. If it helps, think of it this way: If half of the workers at McDonald's wanted to make everything one way and the other half wanted to make everything another way, what would happen? They would all be fired. The McDonald's corporation wouldn't shut down, it would just cut out the slackers. Government is a job just like any other job, so get over yourselves and do your job. I know, I know, government would just be the most fun job ever if you didn't have to help all these people. Darn.

Even more so than the debt ceiling situation, I'm sick of hearing every potential presidential candidate trying to win votes by either being adamantly for or against gay marriage (okay, really it's more against than for). I read a really great quote from former New York governor Rudy Giuliani about how politicians need to get out of the bedroom to win an election, and I agree. I get that it's a tricky subject, I get that there are religious aspects and social aspects, and  you (as well as every single suit in Washington) have a perfect right to have a problem with it, but you know what I have a problem with? Economic recession. High unemployment rates. Crashing companies. Crappy health care. The fact that the rich keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer. Can't we concentrate on that? Or maybe, just for fun, let's look at how underpaid teachers are and how over crowded and generally crappy most schools are and how we continue to cut, cut, cut in what appears to be the places that should matter most. But please, let's worry about who's right or wrong about whether people getting married is right or wrong. Let our actions continue to draw deeper and deeper lines between parties while our mouths talk about working together.

I feel like I used to be able to define myself politically, but I can't anymore. I've always joked that I'm a conservative liberal, but that concept seems to no longer exist. Everything is so black and white, with no middle ground. Republicans against Democrats. This guy against that guy. And anymore, I can't say that I like any of the guys. I'm terrified of the 2012 election because I don't want to vote for anyone. It seems the more I know that more jaded I become. I don't see politicians as people with the ability to lead and change the world. I see politicians as snakes in the grass. They don't want to make the world a better place, they just want to beat the other guy, whomever he or she may be. It's gross.

I love my country and am grateful everyday for the rights I have as an American. There aren't many countries in the world where I could bash the actions of the government and not suffer some really scary consequences. I'm thankful to the people that lose their lives every day protecting our rights. It's actually because of all of this that it makes my blood boil when the government can't get their act together. Did you guys know that Iceland is re-writing their constitution right now? They're using a board of twenty people and an online forum for anyone who may have any additional ideas. I can't honestly say I know much about Iceland beyond Bijork, but the concept seems refreshingly progressive to me and, from what I've read, so far it's going really well.  I can't even wrap my head around how badly the shit would hit the fan in America if we tried to re-write our constitution. There would be riots and assassinations, and that would just be when the announcement that we were re-writing the constitution was made. I'm not saying I have a problem with our constitution, but I do have a problem with the fact that our own government could never undertake such an ambitious task, or really even consider undertaking it.

My bottom line is this: Can someone please explain to me why so many Ivy League educated, well-bred, seemingly intelligent people continue to fight like children, make Americans look like idiots, and generally abuse their power?!

I feel much better now, thanks...

Double-Blogging It

I must be crazy. Or masochistic. Or possibly both, since no sane person would embark on what I'm about to embark on.

Here's the thing. I love this blog, but it's beginning to bore me. Non-fiction isn't really my thing and never really has been. It's not because I feel like I can't do it, but because writing about your life when you feel like you don't have much of a life beyond dirty diapers and temper tantrums can feel tedious. From a purely intellectual standpoint I know that I'm probably (or at least hopefully!) improving my writing skills by writing out of my element, but from a human standpoint, I'm bored to tears. I've received such incredible support with this blog, but I can't imagine that I'm entertaining anyone very much.

A sane person would simply call it a day. A sane person would probably recognize the fact that they have a family, school, friends, and work and would probably just stop blogging all together. A sane person would just let it go.

I wish I was a sane person.

But since I'm clearly not, I've decided to continue this experiment in non-fiction as well as start a more creative, fiction-based blog. Despite the fact that this blog chronicles my life and every anecdote in it is true, it doesn't feel honest to me somehow. The phase "unreliable narrator" keeps popping into my head, a high school English class flashback if there ever was one. And I can't deny the truth behind it; I'm holding back.

But here's a secret: I'm terrified of doing this. I want to be (and in ways, already consider myself to be) a writer, but the idea of people reading anything I write really freaks me out. I am a tense mess after I turn in a paper for school, just waiting in agony until it's graded, completely convinced I blew it. I never ceased to be a amazed when I don't. I nervously pace around after posting a blog, anxiously waiting for the first person who comments on it.  My ego isn't necessarily anything I think about in my day-to-day existence, but my writer's ego is as fragile as glass. Which is why putting myself out there completely feels both too terrifying to contemplate and utterly necessary.

I'm not a risk-taker by nature and this feels like jumping out of a plane with an empty backpack instead of a parachute.

Stay tuned....

I Will Survive...Won't I?!

I think it's time to resign myself to the fact that I'm probably going to be one of those people that puts their kid on a kid leash.

I blame having a girl first. Layla was perfectly content in a stroller. She loved to ride in the shopping cart. She adored her car seat. When she was old enough to walk, she understood (and still understands) to stay right by our side and hold our hands. She was awesome, completely brag-worthy in every way.

So really, I should have seen it coming.

Ben is a human tornado. Do you know why I haven't written a blog in over five weeks? I've literally been chasing Ben the whole time and this is the first chance I've had to sit down. He's nuts. Hates the stroller, will scream absolute bloody murder after spending ten minutes in it. Cannot stand the shopping cart. When's he's done being strapped in, he will simply unstrap himself and start throwing things out. Charming. And the car seat? He figured out how to unstrap it when he was nine months old and subsequently tries to Houdini himself out every time he's in it. And forget putting him down to walk. The second he's down he's off like a shot and I'm chasing after him.

Suffice it to say, it's exhausting and further proof on how girls are so much different than boys. We feel (occasional tantrums aside) that we're cruising through having a girl. The only thing remotely exhausting about Layla is her constant stream of talking that begins roughly thirty seconds before she's awake and ends about an hour after she falls asleep. It's non-stop, but usually highly entertaining. She didn't make us suffer too much through the "terrible two's", the only exception being the time she took off her diaper and used her poop as finger paint, an absolutely revolting act so completely vile we dubbed her "Poocaso"."Terrible Three's" were moderate, the worst being a sassy attitude, and four is shaping up to be the year of talking back. But Layla has never been a human tornado, and even if she was, enough time has passed that the "bad" times seem tame in comparison to Ben. If anything, some of the hardest times (namely the "Poocaso" incident) wound up being the times that turned into the funniest stories. 

So far, Ben's "terrible two's" aren't terribly funny.

Not only are Layla and Ben continuous proof of the difference between boys and girls, they also seem to illustrate the glaring difference in personalities between siblings. Ben is an extrovert through and through, which is probably why he can't stand to be strapped into something. Because really, why sit in a stroller when you can tear through the library on foot dispensing slobbery, open-mouthed kisses to everyone in your path (a weekly occurrence for Ben)? Layla is an introvert who needs to observe someone for at least forty-five minutes before she grants you a smile. And that's just the tip of their personality icebergs.

The best way I can think of describing it is that, for me, raising children is like a math class. It's difficult, panic-inducing, and no matter how hard I study, I always feel like I'm on the brink of failing every test. I'm using the same equation with each kid, plugging in the same numbers, but coming up with different answers. Kids are an incredible amount of work and everyone (including me) thinks that they understand that until they actually have kids. "Terrible two's" in theory are much, much different from "terrible two's" in progress.

So for now, while I contemplate a kid leash, I will continue to chase after Ben everywhere we go and continue to apologize to all of the people he tries to make out with. And I will comfort myself with cliches. Some day this will be a funny memory. It's just a stage. This too shall pass. I will survive....

Won't I?!