I can't lie, I completely stole this idea from a parenting blog, but I love the idea of putting things into words that Layla can read one day (probably from some crazy yet-to-be-invented gadget in her flying car). I'll hopefully give her a lot more to go on than twenty things during the course of her life, so I'll just go ahead and call this the first installment. Hopefully one day I'll write something similar for Ben as soon as I figure out how men work which, at the rate I'm going, will more than likely be on my death bed. Fortunately, I know how women work so I have a few things I want Layla to know:
1) Intelligence is more important than beauty, but you'll never know that by watching TV, reading the newspaper, or even just walking around the mall. Ignore it all as much as you can. True beauty fades and Botox makes you look like a robot. Embrace your intelligence. It never fades. It lasts forever.
2) Never trust a guy with perfect hair and strategically placed stubble. If a guy spends more time getting ready in the morning than you do, he is inherently not trustworthy. If you still have Google by the time you're older, Google a guy named Adam Levine and you'll see a perfect example of what I mean. Also, please don't ask me how I know this until you are at least eighteen years old. I'm not discussing it until then.
3) You will be tall and have knobby knees and no butt. Middle and high school will be hell for you. Girls will pick on you for these things and I'll be there to tell you that these girls are mean and jealous. Let's save some time; I'm right. I got picked on for the same things. The same girls will apologize about six months before your ten-year high school reunion and admit their past jealousies. It will be too little too late, and by the time it happens you'll realize that you no longer care about their opinions. At that time, please re-read number one.
4) It's equally important to stick up for yourself as it is to stick up for other people. It's a delicate balance, but you should never be selfish and also never put yourself last on your own list of concerns.
5) "Nice guys finish last" is a lie. There's nothing better in the world than a nice guy. Give them a chance, you won't regret it (I never have).
6) I love you and your brother the exact same amount, but in very different ways. Never feel like I have a favorite because I truly don't. I never want you to feel like you have to seek out my love or approval. You were born with both and you will always have them, no matter what you do in life.
7) Never, ever, ever attempt to wax your own eyebrows. Ask me for my class picture from my junior year of high school and you'll see why. Those bad boys take a long time to grow back.
8) Life isn't like the movies. There's not always an easy resolution, a happy ending, or a prince to rescue you from the tower. Sometimes it's hard and sometimes it sucks, but your life is what you make of it. Find your own resolutions, figure out what makes you happy, and rescue yourself from the tower. It might sound like a cliche, but that which doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
9) You don't have to turn out like me. I'm not bad, but if I were you, I'd aim to turn out more like your dad. He rocks.
10) Speaking of your dad, we will always have weird-sounding inside jokes and kiss and hug each other. I know you think it's gross now, but consider the alternative. We love you because we love each other.
11) There's nothing you can't do. Period.
12) Don't leave it to the guys to be the funny ones. Women are just as funny, if not funnier, than guys. Again, if Google still exists, please research the following: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristin Wiig, Sarah Silverman, Maya Rudolph, Jane Curtain, and Ellen Degeneres. I'll probably have more for you later, but those are a good start.
13) If you turn out anything like me, you'll be a giant klutz with two left feet. It's okay. If you trip over your own feet or fall up the stairs (yes, up), the best advice I can give you is to brush it off and learn how to laugh at yourself. If you laugh first, no one else can laugh at you, they're only laughing with you.
14) Don't waste your time wishing you were someone else. Love yourself for who you are, even if it takes your entire lifetime to do it.
15) You will always be the kid in your class who isn't allowed to listen to Lady Gaga or watch reality TV. You'll thank me later.
16) You will never have the parents that give you whatever you want whenever you want it. Again, you'll thank me later.
17) Being healthy is important, counting calories is not. Life is too short to deprive yourself of chocolate.
18) Be nice to everyone. Sometimes it will seem like people don't deserve your kindness, but you never know what goes on behind closed doors. There is almost always a reason why people are mean and a lot of the time it's a reason beyond their control. And if someone is mean for no reason, your kindness will only confuse them and piss them off. Either way, it's a win-win.
19) There's no such thing as perfect. Spending a lifetime trying to achieve perfection will only make you unhappy because it doesn't exist. Do the best you can and then learn to let it go. Trust me, I'm still learning that lesson.
20) I'll be the mom that sings aloud in the grocery store, shows your boyfriends naked baby pictures, and won't let you go out until you finish your homework. In other words, I will embarrass the crap out of you. My mom embarrassed the crap out of me and I survived. You will too. I, like my mom, only do it because I love you. And I will always, always love you.
Layla, you're smart, funny, kind and beautiful. The whole world is at your disposal. You can be anything and do anything. I can't wait to see what you accomplish.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
It's Been A Year...Now What?!
Two weeks ago I celebrated my one year anniversary of this blog (my blogiversary, if you will). I wanted to write something great about how far I feel I've come as a writer and how thankful I am for the support I've received over the last year and what I planned to do next. I wrote a draft, scraped it, wrote another draft, and scraped that one too. Then I proceeded to spend the bulk of the last two weeks staring at a blank computer screen with a blinking cursor. Nothing was coming out right and I found myself with one of the most crippling cases of writer's block I've ever had. It was like my brain had completely shut down. You know that expression "The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead"? Well, my wheel was rusted and decrepit, with a hamster skeleton and tumble weed blowing across the vast emptiness of my brain. I could not, for the life of me, figure out what was wrong. The truth is, I do feel like I've come a long way and the gratitude I feel that anyone wants to visit my little corner of the internet to read about what's going on in my life is immeasurable. But why couldn't I put it into writing? It took two weeks for me to realize that the part I couldn't find the words for.
What's next.
Because really, what is next? When I first began this blog, a professor of mine had suggested writing it for a year and seeing where it went, then trying to turn it into a book. Which is a great idea in theory (and the assumption that I could even do that was a really nice compliment), but I'm not so sure. This isn't a blog entirely about parenting, or politics, or music or anything really, so what kind of book could it possibly make? So yes, a book is a nice thought, but as far as an actual goal, I'm not entirely sure it's a realistic one.
So now here I am, a year later, and maybe it's time to face some harsh realities.
I'm not Julie Powell. Ten years ago when Julie Powell started the Julie/Julia project, the word "blog" wasn't even in our vocabulary. Today, everyone and their mother writes a blog on every subject imaginable, and they're all trying to turn it into something bigger and better. I'd kick myself for continuously being ten steps behind the rest of the world, but I'm trying not to be so hard on myself, and it wouldn't really help anything anyway. And if I'm really honest with myself, I never actually expected to be the next Julie Powell or any kind of blogging guru with instant internet fame, whose wisdom was sought by the masses. The problem lies in the fact that I didn't have any expectations at all, and while going into something with no expectations can be a good thing, the flip side is that you have no possible way of knowing if you are succeeding at what you set out to do.
Here's what I do know: Over the last year I wrote approximately thirty-one blogs ranging on topics from potty training to my dad's death, topics that a year ago I would have never have imagined writing about and sending off into the internet world to face possible scrutiny. I have regular readers in the United States, Canada, Russia, France, and oddly enough, two mystery readers from England that have read every blog (I don't want to get my hopes up, but it could be William and Kate...you never know!). People who knew me before they started reading this blog say that they feel like they know me better, and strangers who have come across it either through a friend of a friend or by accident say that they feel like they've known me for years, which is an amazing compliment. Because of this blog I was able to write for TOMS shoes, which was an incredible experience and one that I hope to repeat in the future. I have been lucky enough to have an endless stream of support, praise, constructive criticism, and tough love when I needed it the most from people that I love and respect. My point of all of this is that I don't want to downplay what I feel like I've already accomplished, because I really do feel like this last year was an accomplishment. I just don't know where (if anywhere) to go from here.
Ugh. See why this was so hard to write??
For now, I'm considering my options. Maybe I'll streamline this blog so it's about one specific topic instead of a little bit of everything. But since I highly doubt anyone wants to read a blog that consists entirely of cute kid stories or my unwavering Tina Fey fixation, I probably won't. Maybe I'll finally get around to starting that fiction blog I thought would be fun to start a few months ago, or maybe I'll just stick with this and see where it goes. The obvious answer is to sit back and do nothing and if something is meant to happen, it will happen on its own, in its own time. The problem is, I'm not really a "sit back and see what happens" kind of person. So it appears my own ambition is holding me back. Ironically enough.
I have no idea what the future holds, but no matter what I decide to do, I know that I will still be writing something and I can only hope that you guys will be still be reading it.
What's next.
Because really, what is next? When I first began this blog, a professor of mine had suggested writing it for a year and seeing where it went, then trying to turn it into a book. Which is a great idea in theory (and the assumption that I could even do that was a really nice compliment), but I'm not so sure. This isn't a blog entirely about parenting, or politics, or music or anything really, so what kind of book could it possibly make? So yes, a book is a nice thought, but as far as an actual goal, I'm not entirely sure it's a realistic one.
So now here I am, a year later, and maybe it's time to face some harsh realities.
I'm not Julie Powell. Ten years ago when Julie Powell started the Julie/Julia project, the word "blog" wasn't even in our vocabulary. Today, everyone and their mother writes a blog on every subject imaginable, and they're all trying to turn it into something bigger and better. I'd kick myself for continuously being ten steps behind the rest of the world, but I'm trying not to be so hard on myself, and it wouldn't really help anything anyway. And if I'm really honest with myself, I never actually expected to be the next Julie Powell or any kind of blogging guru with instant internet fame, whose wisdom was sought by the masses. The problem lies in the fact that I didn't have any expectations at all, and while going into something with no expectations can be a good thing, the flip side is that you have no possible way of knowing if you are succeeding at what you set out to do.
Here's what I do know: Over the last year I wrote approximately thirty-one blogs ranging on topics from potty training to my dad's death, topics that a year ago I would have never have imagined writing about and sending off into the internet world to face possible scrutiny. I have regular readers in the United States, Canada, Russia, France, and oddly enough, two mystery readers from England that have read every blog (I don't want to get my hopes up, but it could be William and Kate...you never know!). People who knew me before they started reading this blog say that they feel like they know me better, and strangers who have come across it either through a friend of a friend or by accident say that they feel like they've known me for years, which is an amazing compliment. Because of this blog I was able to write for TOMS shoes, which was an incredible experience and one that I hope to repeat in the future. I have been lucky enough to have an endless stream of support, praise, constructive criticism, and tough love when I needed it the most from people that I love and respect. My point of all of this is that I don't want to downplay what I feel like I've already accomplished, because I really do feel like this last year was an accomplishment. I just don't know where (if anywhere) to go from here.
Ugh. See why this was so hard to write??
For now, I'm considering my options. Maybe I'll streamline this blog so it's about one specific topic instead of a little bit of everything. But since I highly doubt anyone wants to read a blog that consists entirely of cute kid stories or my unwavering Tina Fey fixation, I probably won't. Maybe I'll finally get around to starting that fiction blog I thought would be fun to start a few months ago, or maybe I'll just stick with this and see where it goes. The obvious answer is to sit back and do nothing and if something is meant to happen, it will happen on its own, in its own time. The problem is, I'm not really a "sit back and see what happens" kind of person. So it appears my own ambition is holding me back. Ironically enough.
I have no idea what the future holds, but no matter what I decide to do, I know that I will still be writing something and I can only hope that you guys will be still be reading it.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Don't Look Back In Anger
This year I only made one New Year's resolution in hopes of finally stopping the thing that's been plaguing me for almost two years: To stop looking back and wishing I'd done things differently.
Let me back up. There are a million things that I've done in my life that I believe absolutely and whole-heartedly were done the right way. I wouldn't change getting married young, or having my kids young. The thing I continuously obsess about, however, is not having my act together enough to finish school before all of my big life events took place.
I started college when I was eighteen like everyone else I know and at first, I loved it. I loved the freedom of choosing my classes and all of the reading (because I'm a nerd like that). I was also working my first ever full-time job and I was handling everything exceptionally well. And then, I wasn't. I'm not sure exactly what happened to my motivation, but it fizzled out. School became irrelevant. As an eighteen-year-old English major, I got a lot of "What are you going to do with that degree?" and it always bothered me (it still does actually, but I'm smart enough now to realize that a "pointless" degree is better than no degree at all). I didn't want to teach and I wasn't brave enough to even consider writing for a career. I also loved my job back then, which, retrospectively, was probably part of the problem. If students were paid to go to school, we'd probably all be a lot more motivated.
The thing is, looking back is dangerous. It's like driving down the street and looking in your rearview mirror the whole time. If your eyes aren't on the road and you're not looking forward, you'll crash. That's just common sense. But it's so easy to look back on your life and think about how you'd do things differently if you had the chance. Hindsight is always 20/20. Unfortunately, my brand of hindsight typically includes beating myself up for not making the right choices when I had my whole life stretched out before me. I am, without a doubt, my own worst critic.
I see people my age starting successful companies, writing books, doing what they love and revolutionizing the world. Then I look at myself, sitting in a class that I should have taken ten years ago and I feel decidedly less-than. I get caught up in thinking about what I could have accomplished by now, instead of what I'm currently accomplishing. I get mad at myself for losing my motivation for no good reason. A million people can tell me that I'm accomplishing a lot just by going back to school, and the rational part of my brain knows that they are right. However, if you've learned anything from my blog as a whole, it's that "rational" isn't exactly my thing. Overall, I feel like I'm shortchanging my family because I have to devote every waking minute I'm not with them to homework, papers, and tests. I kill myself every semester for my 4.0s to prove that I'm not stupid, that I'm not a slacker, that I'm doing everything I can, although I have no idea who I'm trying to prove these things to. The only person who thinks that little of me is me.
One of my personal heroes Woody Allen said it best: "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans". I thought I had it figured out ten years ago, but I didn't. I still don't, but at least now I'm going in the right direction. So here I am, vowing to stop looking back. What's done is done and no amount of beating myself up can change it. All I can do is drive forward and keep my eyes on the road.
Let me back up. There are a million things that I've done in my life that I believe absolutely and whole-heartedly were done the right way. I wouldn't change getting married young, or having my kids young. The thing I continuously obsess about, however, is not having my act together enough to finish school before all of my big life events took place.
I started college when I was eighteen like everyone else I know and at first, I loved it. I loved the freedom of choosing my classes and all of the reading (because I'm a nerd like that). I was also working my first ever full-time job and I was handling everything exceptionally well. And then, I wasn't. I'm not sure exactly what happened to my motivation, but it fizzled out. School became irrelevant. As an eighteen-year-old English major, I got a lot of "What are you going to do with that degree?" and it always bothered me (it still does actually, but I'm smart enough now to realize that a "pointless" degree is better than no degree at all). I didn't want to teach and I wasn't brave enough to even consider writing for a career. I also loved my job back then, which, retrospectively, was probably part of the problem. If students were paid to go to school, we'd probably all be a lot more motivated.
The thing is, looking back is dangerous. It's like driving down the street and looking in your rearview mirror the whole time. If your eyes aren't on the road and you're not looking forward, you'll crash. That's just common sense. But it's so easy to look back on your life and think about how you'd do things differently if you had the chance. Hindsight is always 20/20. Unfortunately, my brand of hindsight typically includes beating myself up for not making the right choices when I had my whole life stretched out before me. I am, without a doubt, my own worst critic.
I see people my age starting successful companies, writing books, doing what they love and revolutionizing the world. Then I look at myself, sitting in a class that I should have taken ten years ago and I feel decidedly less-than. I get caught up in thinking about what I could have accomplished by now, instead of what I'm currently accomplishing. I get mad at myself for losing my motivation for no good reason. A million people can tell me that I'm accomplishing a lot just by going back to school, and the rational part of my brain knows that they are right. However, if you've learned anything from my blog as a whole, it's that "rational" isn't exactly my thing. Overall, I feel like I'm shortchanging my family because I have to devote every waking minute I'm not with them to homework, papers, and tests. I kill myself every semester for my 4.0s to prove that I'm not stupid, that I'm not a slacker, that I'm doing everything I can, although I have no idea who I'm trying to prove these things to. The only person who thinks that little of me is me.
One of my personal heroes Woody Allen said it best: "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans". I thought I had it figured out ten years ago, but I didn't. I still don't, but at least now I'm going in the right direction. So here I am, vowing to stop looking back. What's done is done and no amount of beating myself up can change it. All I can do is drive forward and keep my eyes on the road.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)