Thongs For Toddlers

There are two physical versions of women in my family: The voluptuous, giant-boobed-Marilyn-Monroe looking-type and the flat-chested-vaguely-underfed-looking type.

I have always fallen into the latter category. But because I also grew up in a family that valued the size of your brain over the size of your bra, no one has ever held the size of my chest against me and as a result,  it's never bothered me much. In fact, as I get older it bothers me less and less. Boobs are just boobs, in the same way that an apple is just an apple. Whether you have them or not, it's really no big deal.

Maybe I'm completely naive for thinking this, but I like to think that not caring about my physical attributes (or lack thereof) will have a positive influence on my own daughter. Maybe if I can pull off that whole "leading by example" thing I always hear so much about, she will grow up to be comfortable with her own body, regardless of how it turns out.

There's just one problem. It's called society. And the internet. And crazy, whack job bloggers who are trying to get famous by calling themselves "conservative" and then proceeding to pitch the world's worst idea whose sole purpose is apparently exploiting young girls under the guise of doing something "cute" and "innocent".

Okay, that's more than one problem and I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me back up a bit.

This morning I was on the computer doing research for a completely unrelated story that I'm writing when a headline caught my eye: "Mom Says Victoria's Secret Okay for Tween". Curious, I clicked on it and, like most things I randomly click on, I immediately wished I hadn't.

Here's the short version of the story: A "mommy blogger" (I detest this phrase, by the way) made a big stink on the internet (i.e. a huge statement to garner attention that will lead to her eventual book deal) that her nine-year old daughter has no options when it comes to underwear and that there should be a tween (a phrase I detest even more than "mommy blogger") option at places like Victoria's Secret for little girls who (unfortunately this is a real quote) "Want cute panties and bras from the big girl store".

Good God, lady. Where to begin? First of all, I'd like to point out the fact that if you need to refer to it as a "big girl store" that means your daughter is too young to shop there. More importantly, a nine-year-old doesn't need a bra and won't need one for about three years. If she's lucky. If you are trying to make a valid point, you're not doing it very well. At all.

And in the grand scheme of people not knowing when to shut up, the madness was continued when she added that "No one wants to be the girl with ugly underwear" Interesting. Does your daughter walk around all day showing people her underwear? Because maybe you should be teaching her not to do that? Just a thought. Or better yet, maybe you should teach her that the focus of her world shouldn't be what's covering up her butt. Underneath her clothes. Where no one can see. Also, I would seriously like to meet these children who care so much about the underwear of their peers, mostly because I don't think they exist. Nice try, but I'm not really buying whatever point it is that you're trying to sell with that one.

Her next attempt at a point? "You see half naked women on the sides of a bus. It's part of our culture" Okay, sure. Our buses have been known to feature some scantily clad women. But the key word there? Women. Not nine-year-olds or tweens. Half-naked women. Also, while we're on the subject, that's some great reasoning you've got there. So when your kid asks to jump off a cliff you'll say "Sure, honey! Why not? All of your friends are doing it! And no one wants to be the kid in the ugly underwear who doesn't get to jump off a cliff! It's all part of our culture, so go for it"??

Listen, I'm not trying to tell someone how to raise their kids. But take a look around. Young girls are becoming sexualized every day. The already small window of childhood is getting narrower and narrower. Bodies, faces, chests, skin and clothes are constantly compared and found lacking. As difficult as it is to be a woman in this crazy, mixed up world, it's even harder to be a little girl growing up in a world where The Bachelor is considered a love story and Kim Kardashian is considered a celebrity. It's confusing. Instead of continuing to blur the fine line between childhood and adulthood, let's try making it more distinct. Perhaps we could start by not pronouncing ourselves "conservative" while mentally sketching all of the thongs for toddlers we plan on selling at Victoria's Secret. Just a thought.

My point is this: Growing up, 50% of my family could have done nothing but tell me that I was as flat-chested as a 12-year-old Kenyan boy and that I would never be sexy because of it. Thankfully, that's not how it panned out. Instead I was taught, rightfully, that my body's sole purpose of existence was so my smart ass mouth wouldn't look funny floating around by itself, flapping all day long to anyone who would stand still long enough to listen, and that this was a good thing. Value was placed on the right things. 

And absolutely no one cared what my underwear looked like.