I can't lie, I completely stole this idea from a parenting blog, but I love the idea of putting things into words that Layla can read one day (probably from some crazy yet-to-be-invented gadget in her flying car). I'll hopefully give her a lot more to go on than twenty things during the course of her life, so I'll just go ahead and call this the first installment. Hopefully one day I'll write something similar for Ben as soon as I figure out how men work which, at the rate I'm going, will more than likely be on my death bed. Fortunately, I know how women work so I have a few things I want Layla to know:
1) Intelligence is more important than beauty, but you'll never know that by watching TV, reading the newspaper, or even just walking around the mall. Ignore it all as much as you can. True beauty fades and Botox makes you look like a robot. Embrace your intelligence. It never fades. It lasts forever.
2) Never trust a guy with perfect hair and strategically placed stubble. If a guy spends more time getting ready in the morning than you do, he is inherently not trustworthy. If you still have Google by the time you're older, Google a guy named Adam Levine and you'll see a perfect example of what I mean. Also, please don't ask me how I know this until you are at least eighteen years old. I'm not discussing it until then.
3) You will be tall and have knobby knees and no butt. Middle and high school will be hell for you. Girls will pick on you for these things and I'll be there to tell you that these girls are mean and jealous. Let's save some time; I'm right. I got picked on for the same things. The same girls will apologize about six months before your ten-year high school reunion and admit their past jealousies. It will be too little too late, and by the time it happens you'll realize that you no longer care about their opinions. At that time, please re-read number one.
4) It's equally important to stick up for yourself as it is to stick up for other people. It's a delicate balance, but you should never be selfish and also never put yourself last on your own list of concerns.
5) "Nice guys finish last" is a lie. There's nothing better in the world than a nice guy. Give them a chance, you won't regret it (I never have).
6) I love you and your brother the exact same amount, but in very different ways. Never feel like I have a favorite because I truly don't. I never want you to feel like you have to seek out my love or approval. You were born with both and you will always have them, no matter what you do in life.
7) Never, ever, ever attempt to wax your own eyebrows. Ask me for my class picture from my junior year of high school and you'll see why. Those bad boys take a long time to grow back.
8) Life isn't like the movies. There's not always an easy resolution, a happy ending, or a prince to rescue you from the tower. Sometimes it's hard and sometimes it sucks, but your life is what you make of it. Find your own resolutions, figure out what makes you happy, and rescue yourself from the tower. It might sound like a cliche, but that which doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
9) You don't have to turn out like me. I'm not bad, but if I were you, I'd aim to turn out more like your dad. He rocks.
10) Speaking of your dad, we will always have weird-sounding inside jokes and kiss and hug each other. I know you think it's gross now, but consider the alternative. We love you because we love each other.
11) There's nothing you can't do. Period.
12) Don't leave it to the guys to be the funny ones. Women are just as funny, if not funnier, than guys. Again, if Google still exists, please research the following: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristin Wiig, Sarah Silverman, Maya Rudolph, Jane Curtain, and Ellen Degeneres. I'll probably have more for you later, but those are a good start.
13) If you turn out anything like me, you'll be a giant klutz with two left feet. It's okay. If you trip over your own feet or fall up the stairs (yes, up), the best advice I can give you is to brush it off and learn how to laugh at yourself. If you laugh first, no one else can laugh at you, they're only laughing with you.
14) Don't waste your time wishing you were someone else. Love yourself for who you are, even if it takes your entire lifetime to do it.
15) You will always be the kid in your class who isn't allowed to listen to Lady Gaga or watch reality TV. You'll thank me later.
16) You will never have the parents that give you whatever you want whenever you want it. Again, you'll thank me later.
17) Being healthy is important, counting calories is not. Life is too short to deprive yourself of chocolate.
18) Be nice to everyone. Sometimes it will seem like people don't deserve your kindness, but you never know what goes on behind closed doors. There is almost always a reason why people are mean and a lot of the time it's a reason beyond their control. And if someone is mean for no reason, your kindness will only confuse them and piss them off. Either way, it's a win-win.
19) There's no such thing as perfect. Spending a lifetime trying to achieve perfection will only make you unhappy because it doesn't exist. Do the best you can and then learn to let it go. Trust me, I'm still learning that lesson.
20) I'll be the mom that sings aloud in the grocery store, shows your boyfriends naked baby pictures, and won't let you go out until you finish your homework. In other words, I will embarrass the crap out of you. My mom embarrassed the crap out of me and I survived. You will too. I, like my mom, only do it because I love you. And I will always, always love you.
Layla, you're smart, funny, kind and beautiful. The whole world is at your disposal. You can be anything and do anything. I can't wait to see what you accomplish.
I love this. You are such a good mommy :)
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