Deciding to become a professional writer is a lot like deciding you want to become a professional baseball player. It's mind-bogglingly competitive, there are millions of people more talented (or more motivated) than you trying to do the same thing, and people tend to feign enthusiasm for your career choice, while secretly tallying up the odds of you ever making a career out of writing, baseball, underwater basket-weaving, or whatever highly unattainable career goal you're trying to reach. And unfortunately, being as this is real life and not The Hunger Games, the odds may not be ever in your favor.
I guess I must secretly be a half-glass-empty kind of person, because I constantly worry about those nagging odds and how much or little they might be in my favor when it comes to becoming a professional writer. Because I'm smart enough to know that talent does play into these odds, I spend a lot of my very limited free time trolling the blog world for both inspiration and to check out the competition. Since I'm still not completely sure what it is that I'm doing here exactly, I have no choice but to turn to the internet. Which, unless you're watching ridiculous sketches on Funny Or Die, is almost always a mistake.
The first thing that occurred to me through my extensive research is that if it's a "Mommy Blog" I'm trying to write here, then I'm going about it the wrong way. Step one, according to the internet, is to marry someone famous, have their children, and gain instant fame as a baby guru, with thousands following your blog. Well, okay...clearly I messed up step one. I could try to convince Josh to let me engage in some kind of reverse polygamy in which I have several (famous) husbands in addition to him, but let's face it: If I had more than one husband, they'd just form their own fantasy baseball league and I'd be stuck with even more laundry. Aside from the obvious fact that I love my husband and my husband alone, I just don't have the energy or time management skills for more than one. So clearly that option is out.
There's always the 'creep everyone out' route, as recently made famous by Alicia Silverstone, who recorded herself pre-chewing her baby's food and spitting it in the baby's mouth and successfully managed to gross out the entire world. While Ben and Layla are too old and my stomach is too weak for this option to ever come to fruition, I haven't ruled out trying it to see their reactions (but not filming it because if Alicia Silverstone has taught us anything, it's that we DO NOT want to see that).
Finally, I've noticed is that most of these "Mommy Blogs" chronicle their child's every move. I'm not talking about milestones or frustrations or any of the normal, run-of-the-mill baby things. I'm talking about the kind of over-sharing that involves telling your readers how many times a day your baby poops (There is actually a real blog where the writer does just this. Who would want to read that, you ask? Apparently the eighty-two people who subscribe to it do. I know. I don't get it either). These blogs not only scare the bejesus out of me, but serve as a reminder that while your children should be your top priority, I truly believe (for the sake of your own sanity as a human being) they shouldn't be the only thing you can think to talk about. I have a few friends who write delightful blogs about varying subjects and those blogs are a joy to read (mostly because they're not about poop. I have to deal with it enough, why read about it too?!) and yet, none of us are 'making it' as writers. But why?
My ongoing struggle with being a blogger (aside from the fact that I don't particularly enjoy referring to myself as a blogger) is that I want to build an audience and to try to get my best material out there, but I really have no idea how to go about this. I have a sneaking suspicion it's because I'm not 'hungry' enough. While I can easily pick out the internet crazies I can just as easily pick out the internet geniuses who are doing this so much better than I am. I consider throwing in the towel on a writing career daily, but then what? They say 'Those who cannot do teach' but what about those who cannot do and don't have patience to teach? What then? All I can picture is standing outside all of the major TV networks with a cardboard sign that reads 'Will write for your entertainment' with my resume/screenplay/novel/excerpts from my blog in my back pocket. It's not a pretty picture.
Unfortunately, my worries don't stop there. Currently my book club is reading 'The Psychopath Test' by Jon Ronson (which I would highly recommend) and according to the book, one of the classic characteristics of a psychopath is a lack of unrealistic long-term goals. Is wanting to be the next Tina Fey an unrealistic long-term goal? Because who wouldn't want to be this lady??
For now, if anyone needs me, I'll be scanning the internet for mommy blogs, writing lengthy, irrational-sounding emails to Jon Ronson about the state of my sanity, and checking out the mechanics of underwater basket-weaving as a back-up career. Wish me luck.
Luckily anything you write on any subject proves to be fairly entertaining and hasn't let us down yet! I'm trying to ponder your predicament. You're in the car and you know how to drive, but you don't know where you're going, yes? I think what must work best for others is write about something you are passionate about. Please YOU and in being you, others will be inspired and interested and jealous of course! I keep thinking about Chuck Palahniuk who is obviously my new obsession and how I don't think there's any way that when he was writing his books that he was thinking I hope people like this, lol. I think he just wrote what he wanted to and people finally saw how bright he shines. But I am curious, do you want to write novels and stories or more along the lines of real life every day kinda stuff? There was a blog I read, be it unoriginal as everyone seems to be doing it now, but it's comprising a list of 1001 things to accomplish in the span of a year. Kind of along the lines of Julie Powell's one year challenge. What could you do in a year's time that would help you grow and wrangle in a shitload of readers?
ReplyDeleteYou are exactly right, but I'm afraid that's the problem! The first rule of writing is 'write what you know' which I like to think I do. I enjoy writing what I write, which is always a good thing. The problem, as I see it, is that I suck at building an audience. Well...that's not exactly true, lots of people read the blog and I'm so grateful to each and every one of them. Because of that, I don't want to nag every person who reads to subscribe to the blog, which is probably what I should be doing if I want to have any kind of following. The tricky part is the fine line between gratitude for my readers and asking them to commit by subscribing...does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteUltimately, I would love to write a novel along the lines of this blog. I like to write fiction too and I always felt that was my strength until I started writing this and discovered that commentary on life is more entertaining to more people in the long run and much more enjoyable for me to write. I've seen the blogs you're talking about (naturally, because I'm a blog stalker) and to me writing about something that I'm not really interested in just to gain followers would feel really phony. But it WOULD be good self-promotion! Aaaah!!! Do you see my dilemma?! It's kind of an issue of confidence if you boil it down. I'm much more likely to encourage people to read a friend's blog than to read mine...and that's a big problem (at least professionally).
this damn thing. you know that was me that commented up there right? (marla) lol it doesn't say my name. i totally see what you mean. being you is the best you can do and gosh darnit people like you! maybe it's just not time yet. but something i will say, about Allie Brosh's blog Hyperboleandahalf.com it is wildly hilarious and entertaining because of her past experiences and her ability to draw hilarious pictures to go along with them. i was actually considering doing something similar myself but i realize it's a huge amount of work to illustrate a blog like she does! it'll come to ya little duck!
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