The Dad I Never Had

On Father's Day, I always think about my dad. And this year is no exception.

Anyone who reads this blog on a regular basis might remember that my dad passed away last year and to say that we had a less than ideal relationship would be the understatement of the century. I've done a lot of thinking about him the last year and continue to wonder what's my fault, what's his fault and what is the fault of no one at all. I haven't reached any solid conclusions and doubt I ever really will since the person I need the answers from isn't around to answer any questions. But as I come to terms with the loss of the person I never really had, I've begun to realize that the dad I've always wanted has been standing right in front of me for years. 

I remember clearly the moment in my relationship with Josh when I crossed a monumental line, never to return. We were still only dating at the time, but had volunteered to take my nephew (then only about a year old) to our friend's child's birthday party. I sat watching Josh play with the kids and thought to myself "Man, he's going to be a great dad". It was actually a pretty scary thought back then, because he was just a guy I was dating, though retrospectively I like to think that I knew then that he was going to be more than that. And even all those years ago, I knew that my-then-future-husband would be a great dad because he learned from the best.

 It's true that you don't get to pick your family, and probably even more true that you don't get to pick your in-laws, but let me tell you that I seriously lucked out. In fairness, I love both of my in-laws, but being Father's Day, I want to focus on how much I love my father-in-law.

My father-in-law is the definition of a great man in every way possible. He's out-of-this-world intelligent, kind, honest, generous, open-minded and fair. As if that wasn't good enough, he's always been one of the most grateful people I know; He's grateful for his family, friends and his life in general. Talk about a guy who always has his priorities straight! He's a man of faith, strength and conviction. Best of all,  he's always made me feel like his daughter (no "in-law" about it), even when I wasn't technically part of the family yet. My kids love him, my nieces and nephews love him, even random kids that just happen to pass him in the park love him.  Maybe it's because they can sense that he's the grandpa that will offer ice cream and to push them on the swings and will almost never say no, but I've always believed that kids are the best judge of character and can see people for who they really are, and that's why they love him.

Because I had such a dramatically different relationship with my dad, I'm constantly reminding Josh how lucky he is to have such a great dad. He and his dad are very close and he really doesn't need much reminding, but I always feel the need to talk up my father-in-law nevertheless. I think there are men who grow up to be wonderful fathers because they don't want their children to miss out on their dads or suffer because of them, and I would definitely put my own brother in that category. Then there are men who grow up to be wonderful fathers because they grew up with a man who showed them the right way and therefore don't know any other way to be with their own children, like Josh. Those guys are the lucky ones.

Josh never had to fight for his father's love or wonder why that love loomed forever just out of his reach, and in a way, I will always envy him for that. A real dad knows that parenthood isn't just a responsibility or an obligation. It's a privilege. Your kids bring joy to your life in a way that nothing else or no one else in the world ever can. It's an honor to be a parent, and one that should never be taken lightly. My father-in-law understands this and it shows in the love he has for all of this children, even me.

I may not have grown up with the father I always wanted, but I have him now.

Happy Father's Day.