Keep Up The Pace

My already-busy life has suddenly become a whirlwind.

Last week I decided to take on an exciting opportunity. Now in addition to having two kids, being married, taking five classes, and blogging, I will also be writing a parenting column for an online magazine called The Examiner! I'm beyond excited. Really, excited doesn't even begin to cover it. I jumped up and down so much the day I got offered the job I thought I was going to break through the floor. It is amazing in the way that only unexpected things that you never think will actually happen are.

Okay, random story, but when I was in high school I really, really wanted to write for the school newspaper. I actually had a few teachers who also wanted me to, but I was always really self-conscious about my writing in that way that a seventeen-year-old is self-conscious about just about everything. Long story short,  I never did it. I kind of always wished that I had. Anyway, fast-forward ten years and I have a public blog and a column for an online newspaper, that anyone anywhere can read anytime. 

I've come a long way, baby.

But with the confidence to blab my life story to a computer and the thrill of being on the internet in a good way, something unexpected also arrived. Anxiety.

This really wouldn't be anything that remarkable if I was anxious about the job, school, or how to juggle my life, but I'm not. I'm just anxious, without context. And the worst part is, I've taken to pacing. I pace and I worry about things like global warming and public schools, and whether or not Leonardo DiCaprio will ever win an Oscar. Sometimes I worry that those horn things in Lady Gaga's face hurt her. In other words, a varied and really random assortment of things, none of which I could ever possibly have any control over (Okay, maybe global warming, but that's a tangent for another day). Sometimes Ben likes to pace with me and, while I like the company, it does nothing to relax my preexisting fear that I'm psychologically damaging my kids just by being their mom. 

I can't explain it, but I guess I'm just going to choose to focus on the good in life. Because there really is a lot of it. And if nothing else, at least pacing is exercise.