A friend of mine recently wrote a really great blog about childbirth and what people consider "right" and "wrong". It got me thinking and I thought I'd throw my two cents in.
In my limited birthing experience of two, I had one child completely drug-free and the other completely drug-full, and the differences between the two experiences are incalculable. When I was pregnant with Layla I read all the books just like everyone else, and decided that I wanted to have a completely drug-free experience. The idea of bringing my baby into the world in a calm, chemical-free manor was hugely appealing to me. But here's the thing: There's an enormous difference between theory and actuality, and about forty-five seconds into the very real pain of labor, I changed my mind. I wanted drugs, lots of them, preferably waiting in the parking lot for me when I got to the hospital. Only, when I got to the hospital, I was initially refused drugs because my "birth plan" indicated that I wanted a natural childbirth. By the time I finally convinced the doctors that I was out of my mind when I settled on my birth plan, it was too late and I had to forgo a natural childbirth whether I wanted it or not. I'll spare you all the gory details, but because Layla was a huge baby (9 lbs 12 oz) the birth was not only hard on me, but it was hard on her too, and involved the aid of both a vacuum and forceps just to get her out. My "calm, chemical-free birth" quickly turned into an agonizingly painful experience for both me and my child.
Ben was a different story entirely. I made it clear from day one that I wanted an epidural and that under no circumstances was my child going to be forcibly sucked out of me. Despite the fact that he was also a big baby (8 lbs 12 oz), my experience with Ben was the calm, drama-free birth I had hoped for with Layla. It's amazing the difference that giant needle in your spine can make.
Amazingly, in spite of my horrible experience with Layla, I was credited endlessly for having a natural child birth. I was told I was "brave" and "selfless" and that I had "given my baby what was best". I've never seen those comments as anything other than a total load of crap. I'm not trying to knock natural childbirth at all, but the fact that everyone told me that that was "the right way" and having drugs with Ben was "the wrong way" has always irritated me. Who decides these things?!
"Natural" is such a buzz word. If it's "natural" then it has to be good, right? No! Layla and I both suffered an unecessarily painful experience because "modern medicine hasn't been around forever and women used to just squat behind their wagons to give birth". Yes, they did, and up until the early 1900s, 40% of women died during child birth (seriously, google it), but no one ever mentions that fact in squatting-behind-the-wagon theory. Yes, modern medicine has pumped out its fair share of lemons, but it has also had some amazing advances and personally, I'm sick of hearing nothing but bad about it (I'm not even touching the vaccination issue, that's a whole other tangent that I could easily devote an entire blog to). Think of it this way; if someone told you that you could cure chronic back pain, or cancer, or diabetes by having a single shot in your spine, would you do it? I'm willing to bet that your first instinct would be yes, right? But then this group would come out with a study that says it's bad, and another group would say it's selfish and immoral, and it would be likely that you would seriously question the shot, no matter how credible (or incredible) the studies and theories are.
It's the same with epidurals. Women of the world: it is NOT selfish to have an epidural! It is selfish to put your child and yourself through something that your body can't handle, just because are told that it is the "right" way. There is no right or wrong way. No one is keeping track, or grading you, or handing out brownie points. If you choose to go the natural route, my completely unprofessional and unsolicited advice is to know your body and do your research. Don't do it because society, or your doctor, or your friends are whispering in your ear and if you change your mind, speak up, because those birth plans are practically set in stone. If you go the epidural route, don't let anyone tell you that what you're doing is wrong. At the end of the day, it is your body and your baby and you know what's best for both of them.
I'll leave you with this: as much as you parent with your heart, you also parent with your gut instincts. Listen to them. The only person who knows what's right or wrong for you is you.
If you'd like to read the blog that inspired me, please visit my friend Megan Lewis' blog at Livingthelewislifestyle.blogspot.com.
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